Moving Forward After Unwanted Change
"Hold onto the horn!"
Lucy barely heard him as sheer terror gripped her while this well-trained horse galloped at Pony Express speed through the snow toward the end of the fence. Her legs were shorter than the stirrups that flapped wildly against his sides. For a quarter mile, he jerked this way and that, plowing, jumping, and breaking through the crusty drifts. When the fence turned left, she surprisingly stayed with him as he made a sharp 90-degree turn. The herd was just ahead. Puffing like a steam engine, he came to a full stop. Her first solo ride was over, and Lucy let herself slip and fall into the snow.
Buck was probably just as frightened as Lucy, as he had just arrived at his new home. He hadn’t gotten to know the herd yet, and the girl on his back didn’t have a clue about how to reassure him. It may have been a dramatic introduction, but it didn’t stop them from becoming best friends.
Though shaken, Lucy kept visiting Buck in the pasture and started to ride him regularly. Buck was patient with her. He’d wait for her to wiggle her way up into the saddle. By summer, they were riding for miles along the edges of farmers' fields, powerline trails, and swimming in the nearby river.
Every pre-teen horse crazy girl needs a horse like Buck. Lucy was in love and made her father promise to never sell him.
During a windstorm, a piece of metal tore a gash in Buck’s front leg. Her father was going to let the wound heal on its own, but Lucy emptied $60 in coins out of her Black Velvet whisky canisters and insisted she’d pay for stitches. By the time Buck healed enough to trot, Lucy was singing "Jingle Bells" as he pulled her in their one-horse open sleigh.
Manitoba winters can be harsh, and by the end of February, it can feel like spring will never come. One cold afternoon when Lucy got off the bus, she noticed Buck wasn’t with the rest of the horses.
Only her mom was home. Lucy demanded, “Where is he?!”
As gently as she could, her mom explained that another girl really needed a good horse like Buck.
“But HE PROMISED!”
The shock of the betrayal of trust pierced deep. Lucy didn’t understand that circumstances change, and sometimes promises are broken. There was nothing she could do. This was the end of a friendship and the start of silent distrust.
Buck had indeed done his job. He built Lucy’s confidence and showed her a world of adventure and wonder. By late spring, Lucy started a new friendship with Buck’s pasture mate, and that friendship would last over twenty years.
Ways to Find Your Ground
When a horse's circumstances change, the relationship can change too. Sometimes the change is chosen; sometimes it isn't. Finding your ground starts with paying attention to what is happening between you and your horse now.
Notice and write about what has changed
- What is different in your horse, your circumstances, or your relationship? What are you seeing that you may not have noticed before?
- How is your horse responding to the change? What might their behaviour, body language, or routines be telling you?
- How are you showing up with your horse? Are you rushing, holding back, trying to fix something, or giving your horse time to adjust?
From the Horse & Heart Journal
The Horse & Heart Journal exercises can help you explore what you're noticing in your horse, yourself, and the relationship between you.
Use the journal prompts to record what you see and are experiencing.